Friday, 23 August 2013

Historical Gaming It's OK to just not care

I have a confession to make.  

I don't give a fuck about historical gaming.

"Well, we don't give a fuck either Grum, what's your point dickhead?"  I hear you cry.

I'm sure they were all awesome dudes.
I just don't care.

My point is I tried.   I have tried and tried and tried but I just cant do it.  I can't bring any enthusiasm for WW2, I can't pretend that the thought of ranks upon ranks of serried redcoats facing down upstart Bostonians excites me.  I would rather staple my face to a kitten than refight kadesh.

When my partner gave me the news that we were going to have a child, I was of course excited, overjoyed and happy beyond measure.  Once the news had settled and all the relevant ducks were in order, I sat down to start selling off my hobby stuff, in reverse order of frequency of use.   We aren't rich, I knew something would have to give.

I had a long, hard look at the piles of shite I had amassed and started narrowing down what would stay and what would go.   Atop the pile lay Flames of War...

I looked at the tanks, I do love tanks, don't I?
I looked at the wee sojies all earnestly out to kill the other guys...
I looked at the wee jeeps and wee commander guys...

I then sent a message to our local Ranger, a force of pure awesome known as Fawkles and made a deal to trade my FoW stuff for some 40K stuff(a sweet haul of Armageddon Steel).

You see, I realised I don't actually like tanks.   I thought I did for years but I actually don't.  I like Land Raiders and Rhinos and Baneblades and Chimera's and Valkyries and pewpewpew!

It's not the quality of a miniature that makes me like it, not the sculpt , or anything like that,  Its the story it tells my inner 12 year old!

I thought for a while that historical was a viable way to go, plenty of plastics available now, loads of high quality rulesets written by good writers that were accessible , you know, Black Powder, FoW, all that stuff.
It seemed that historical gaming had a longevity and cost benefit that fantasy and sci fi did not.  After all, Agincourt will still be Agincourt in ten, twenty and thirty years time.  

The big clean out and sell up is almost complete, and it has taught me exactly why I play games, and what I need from them.  The answers are not what I had expected.   I thought my major consideration would be cost.  It's not.  It's fun.  It's pewpewpew.  It's the fucking joy of a gun with a sword strapped to it.

AWESOME IRL.  SHITE IN GAMES.

I do care about Kadesh, I do care about Iskander and his conquests, I really care about the peloponnesian wars and all that crazy old stuff.  I get fucking hard for Tercios, I just dont want to spend any time on them.  I know about the vikings , the varangians and how utterly fucking cool everything they did was...but in 28mm I just could not give a fuck.  I feel cleaner admitting this.   I felt for a long time like it was a sin.  I felt I had broken some sacred trust or covenant.  I realised that I am probably halfway through my journey on this earth and stopped caring.

I like undead hookers.  I like werewolves with machine guns. I like ships that fly while shooting airplanes out of their guns.

I like full on retarded awesome stuff like this:

SO. MUCH. WIN.
And I am OK with that.

Until next time, dance like nae cunts looking.

Thursday, 22 August 2013

The earth stirred, and up rose GRUMHELDEN!

Good afternoon, take a seat, (not that one), that's better.

Hi, my name is Grumhelden. For the last year and a bit, I have been henching for Malifaux, this meant that I could not really say what I felt here, as it's not usually positive.

I did meet loads of amazing people, people who I would not have otherwise met, and for that I am grateful.

The reason I am no longer henching is simply that I have a baby coming in a few weeks.  I wont have time.  Its better that someone else take things forward for v2 (which is a great ruleset).  That aside, here's some unrelated Bile to tide you over while I do my Mv2 posts:


You and I are likely to disagree on some things, and that is good and healthy.  For in the gap between our respective positions, the truth might be found.  By way of example/content, lets look at some popular tropes:

Trope 1:   Wargamers are, by and large, spoiled brats 

Trope 2:   Card Gamers are elitist children

Trope 3:   Games Workshop

Trope 4:  Old school hobby producers are not subject to the same standards as other businesses.


Trope 1 is easy.   They are.   I have met hundreds of gamers, the number of whom I would consider well adjusted socially is small.  The number of whom think that the entire fucking universe was created for them is large.   I don't know why this is the case.  So many prima donnas in one dusty, damp smelling hall is always a recipe for disaster. 

Trope 2 is also easy.  Its false.  Wargamers think that card gamers are all power gaming arseholes who plan decks while pumping iron, and at the exact same time, think that they are all clueless idiots playing Pokemon and not showering.  This is cognitive dissonance.  This is a thing a lot of wargamers do.  

Card gaming is as diverse a church as wargaming is, with a massive crossover.  The number of people who use to play [$game]  or who have a Magic deck stuffed in the pocket of their army bag is massive.
From whence cometh this rage against card gamers?   

There are more dicks playing toy soldiers than cards in  my experience, but the card players carry all the stigma and guilt of that one Yu-Gi-Oh player who was a genuine cunt.

Wargamers dont have a list like this , but if we did, how long would it be?

Trope 3:  No one fucking cares, seriously, shut the ever living fuck up you absolute cunts.
I wear a hat of administration on a facebook group for my local club, and the number of threads that are basically "GW sucks" is too damn high.   In a close second are "GW is expensive" and in close third "they changed so that you had to buy more stuff".   No one cares.   And the people who start these threads are invariably over 30.   They should also have learned to cope with change and disappointment by now.  cunts.  We banned this shit under a "No flogging dead horses" rule.  This horse is so fucking dead.  cunts.

Trope 4:  I hate that bob from sidcup is the only guy who makes 12mm pumpkins.   I hate that bob only answers emails on a sunday, only ships on every second Tuesday and sometimes not at all.
You go to bob's website and its been created in word and published using a pigeon stapled to a fax machine.  His pictures are blurry black and white thumbnails that are 25px by 25px , and his catalogue is a list of esoteric codes that make no fucking sense to anyone, least of all him.   I hate that the hobby is so split between something ran out of someone shed and companies like PP and GW.   Because its 2013, and I have been conditioned to expect better.

I have stuff about Malifaux to write.  It will be good.