Saturday, 30 June 2012

This moment wont last forever...

We live in a unique moment in time...The new edition of 40K is out and everyone is excited, running around like newborn babes with hope and joy in their hearts and eyes! wont last!


Right now, this instant, people are falling in love with 40K again, people are excited and the new Allies rules means that the paper and pens (or more convenient tools like BattleScribe) and working out what they can do with what they already have, or planning what they should buy next.

For my part, I have not really enjoyed the actual playing of 40K since 4th Ed, and what I have read so far in 6th seems all good.   There's nothing in these early hours that makes me go "huh?" , everything seems to be golden and new.   The wound allocation rules, fortifications, CC weapons getting varying AP and varying strength, etc etc are all pretty bloody good.

My pen and paper moment came when I realised I could take some Eldar with my Dark Eldar and they will be effectively one army, united against the common enemy...a kind of West/East Germany moment for the Eldar race.   I have just bought some deamons for Warhammer, and now, again, I can ally these to a small CSM force and play out the games of my youth.

The actual physical book is up to the standards set by warhammer, i.e. pretty bloody good.   I cant wait for the new codex books to start hitting the shelves, it's just a shame that  Dark Eldar and Chaos Demons will be years off...but hopefully Tau will be soon after the rumoured Dark Angels and Chaos Legions books...them boys need some loving!


In other news, I am definitely feeling back to my self after cleansing my pipes with the last post, it was great to get that off my chest.

Here in Glasgow we are also getting a changing of the guard with our Press Ganger provision, Andy making way for Scott, so fresh blood with fresh ideas are incoming, which is usually a good thing.  Scott's first event will be held at Spellbound Games, it's an unusual format with 15 point games, 1 list and 2x4 tables, but it will be aimed at newer players and should be pretty good fun for all concerned.  I have played a fair few games with a newer local player to get used to the format and I'm fairly confident about what list I should take and how each game will play out, but a gentleman's agreement is in place with the three more experienced players that we will only go all out on each other, and make sure that we try and keep the newer guys happy and have a fun game.

Cant wait to finish this shift, get back home and get my teeth into the 40K rules.

Monday, 25 June 2012

A post about anxiety, and not about rules...

First One...

Been a while, and here's why....Facebook arguments.  I appear to have been afflicted with a disease which makes me constantly fail to communicate in the manner in which I intended...or the other guy was in fact acting like a massive penis, It's one of the two...good thing I have actual evidence of the Penis acting, such as multiple complaints about the other guys behaviour and comments within our clubs page etc etc...but to the chase we go...the whole thing blew up about a month ago and I have been quite badly and emotionally affected by it...I'll spare you, gentle reader, any details, but suffice to say that no one was squeaky clean, and one party was guilty of applying his or her own filters to anything that was written, and disregarding anything the other said as irrelevant trolling.   It just really knocked me for 6 and put me on the back foot in a way I genuinely didn't know that something like that could.   I went through a month of examining my behaviour and really holding a mirror up to what I was saying and where.   I now try so damn hard to be unambiguous that I can barely communicate at all...I'm over sensitive to the slightest thing, perceiving everything as an attack, having to read things several times over and eventually just giving up.  

In short, I feel completely cut off from the wargaming community locally....I know this is just me being stupid, as I game several times a week with good friends and still try and get out with new games to new people, but the anxiety and social dread that I spent years overcoming has just flooded back.   The only way I can think of to get over this is to get out there and prove that it wasn't my fault to myself, but I cant, I'm too fucking scared to go out and be around people.  It took me years to get confident enough to get out and do things, Wargaming when I was a nipper was a place you could go to be weird and alone, but I always tried to be more normal, and for a few years there I was doing quite well, I even got elected (well, no one else stood so I don't think it really counts) to represent my local gaming group on line...and now...crippling anxiety has me on the back foot.

Other One....

Remember a few posts back I talked about how I had never met "that guy" at a tournament?   Well, I met that fucking guy in a local hobby discussion forum...the guy threatened and cajoled me, even though I was on his side in a "debate", then made it personal and threatened legal action etc etc...all the Internet tough guy bullshit, I have it on very good authority that that individual is essentially persona non grata almost everywhere , and that no one has been spared his particular brand of bullying and that one I could chalk down as a weird blip and move on...after all, I have many more people that I can talk hobby with on the back of being that bastards victim.

So that was strike 1 , if you like...that was a while ago and I had promised not air my laundry in public, but this is why I haven't been writing anything for a fucking age...I have the bullshit of two Internet arguments blocking up my was just one guy who is universally regarded as a fucking knobber by the entire Glasgow scene(he is a stranger to me, I have never met him in the flesh and never want to, but the knobber title is one that has been earned by him from several people, so I use it here as the majority term).   The second one , from my PoV , its a guy who said the wrong thing, got a beef about it then perceived anything said by the other as hostile or trolling, even when the other party tried to smooth things over they rode roughshod over things as they believed they were right.  Now its mortal enemies over misunderstood words.

So that's why I haven't blogged in a while...I'm a fucking pussy who has let two random Internet bullshit conversations drag me down into a spiral that I need to fight to get out of.   I would have been the first in the past to ride on in here and say "don't worry about it, move on", but I just had to get this off my chest and out of my creative pipeline...After all...the world is about to end for 40K!