Sunday, 24 October 2010

D6 Generation Podcast, Bile and a swift Saturday Night Fuck You.

As I wrote this post, I punched my desk in frustration @ The D6 Generation podcast. Fucking newsflash, the point of an interview is not for you sit there and shine the interviewee's penis. Ask a difficult question once in a while rather than just hitting out with "oh gee wow, gee willikers, you sure are awesome mr author man! (Russ laughs and says "new hotness" again, I punt cat into wall.)" Grow a fucking pair you anemic twats! I have an entitlement complex to your free content and demand that you actually interview someone rather than just fellate them incessantly. I mean for fucks sake...I haven't seen much American television but is it all that simpering and fluffy? Mr Robert Florence can express this better than I can:

7:28 is the sketch in question.

See, maybe it is just culture, but up here we would maybe start with "Right Pal, what you done lately?" , rather than "MGGMpfff....Love your work Mr Guy From FF/Author/Self-Published Niche Boardgame Designer", we are after all, the birthplace of kicking burning terrorists in the face. So perhaps I judge too harshly, and should just be thankful that they are doing it at all...I mean after all, its not easy doing a podcast. Speaking of which...surely someone on The Paincakes network must be thinking along these lines? It would be fantastic to have a podcast that is more "punk" than Sunday School, y'know, more Paincake than BoLs.

See, I just wrote all that in a fit of bile, and let the paint dry on my brush...pish!
Gear change, back on original intended topic:

I'm one of the nicest, most polite people I know, and the thought of this tournament next week is actually making me ill. Sitting painting menites at 02:20 AM on a Saturday when I could have had them all finished earlier, sickened! If I learn anything from this painting drive I'll be sure to pass it on. Any tips internet? How can I stop worrying and learn to love the brush?

Saturday, 23 October 2010

Dear GW, this is an awesome trailer, and this is what "the kids" expect in terms of quality.

So is this....

For shame , for shame....

Friday, 22 October 2010

Highlander Games, Tournament List failure imminent

Something I just remembered about the upcoming tournament: Fuck it, I'm going to lose anyway. so learn what I can.

Now the main point here is to show how this evolves over the course of the week, as the Day Of Defeat approaches.

Army Name: Steamroller 1
Protectorate of Menoth
25+6 points, 23 models
Feora, Priestess of the Flame +6 points
* Revenger 6 points
* Vanquisher 8 points
4 Choir of Menoth 2 points
6 Flameguard Cleansers 5 points
Reclaimer 2 points
6 Temple Flameguard 4 points
* TFG Officer & Standard 2 points
Vassal of Menoth 2 points

Experienced warmachine players will be laughing their well toned tits off right now.

Now, the plan will be largely dictated by the enemy, but the basic thrust (hurr hurr) is to keep Feora alive long enough to feat, and pray that enough cleansers and flameguard remain to hold objectives/kill things with fire.

Planning on playtesting the list tonight against the current UK champion, whom I am fortunate enough to attend the same club as. That was a bad sentence there , by the way.

The steamroller format requires two lists, so the back up list will be kreoss and redeemer spam, a broken, ugly, shitty list, but also the only other list I have painted,  I plan on putting photos up as a kind of challenge to myself, No matter how far along the paint jobs are, I will put them up here, I encourage you to slag me rotten, and send links to your friends so they can also kick my teeth in for being so shit and lazy at painting.

The worst part of the painting deficiency is I regularly play with actually talented and intelligent players who know the rules and can paint.  My penis feels very small when Im in their presence! /sadface

How 'borken' are dwarves?

Just occurred to me as I reboot this server, but how are dwarves viewed in the metagame? My impression is that they are a static, beardy army in both senses, something to be groaned at rather than feared. Are dwarven armies common at tournaments? Are dwarven armies boring to play against? Are they boring to play? I know that they are boring to paint, but I'm comparing them to gobbos after all. Any ideas Internet?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Paincakes :)

I'm now on the HoP network!

Not been this happy since I heard this.  More on that later.

What an awesome day!

Think I'll round it off by painting the minis for the upcoming WM Steamroller event at Highlander Games at the end of the month.  This will be my first ever tournament, should be fun and provide good blogfodder.

Sorry We Missed You

On Having missed a delivery by the lovely DPD, a fine company who puts customers first.

Oh no, wait...

I ordered Incursion from Wayland Games, as they have it on a crazy cheap deal:  £25 for the game and two blisters, fantastic! Details here: Holy Nazi Zombies Batman!

So I check the link that wayland send me, really lovely tracking system, all good.  I can see where and when etc, but alas the when is right inside the two hours that the house would be unoccupied today.  No problem, I said to myself, I'll just get it redelivered outwith that slot.  Phones em up, they say "No Problem Mr Helden, that will be £10.00".


£10.00 Extra on top of what I already paid to get you to just do your fucking job?

Your not doing me a fucking favour!  You are not painting my house for a pot noodle and a cuppa, your not fluffing me for a "movie scene", your delivering my fucking stuff , on the money that I already bloody paid!

The alternative to this was of course a random slot the next day.  So I wait in until its time to go to work I guess.  Of course they don't deliver on weekends.  They wont redeliver to my work without an extra premium.

Flying Fist of Fuck off and Die.

Nazi Zombies Fuck Off

We are being overrun with fucking nazi zombies.  I know its halloween, but seriously, some new tropes already.

Oh look, I made a Zombie for my otherwise boring as fuck game/period/mates.

Fuck off.

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Free Ebooks For All!

Black Library is currently giving away ebooks in celebration of catching up to 10 years ago finally.

If you dont have an Android handset, iPhone, or Blackberry, you can also read them on your PC by visiting and installing the PC reader software.  Download and save the .mobi format, and import them into Mobi reader, and bob's your uncle.  Free Books!  Decent books too.  Nice one.

Currently avaiblable:
Dan Abnett /         First and Only
Graham McNeill/   Nightbringer

Saturday, 16 October 2010

40k Movies and Fanbois

Ultramarines is the only CGI movie I have seen a trailer for that reminded me how easy it is to buy a hammer and call yourself a carpenter.

I have a professional and academic interest here , as my BSC is actually in animation. One thing that struck me about the Ultramarines trailer was a purely objective assessment of the quality of the render. It was shite. This was made more laughable by the comment on the GW site earlier in the week , under an image from the film:

"Check the texture of the armour"

I did, I lol'd.

To get my degree I had to create a short animation, using the tools we had in 2003, and not only my, but also my classmates, efforts had far better texturing, it was required as part of the degree.

The general consensus on the interwebz is that this film is a failure, ahem, sorry, is "teh fail!"

, and it bloody is.

I feel as insulted by this film as I do by the steadily declining Horus Heresy series. 

I was drawn in by Dan Abnetts fantastic writing. You know, writing that has characters and plot and that kind of stuff, and now having ploughed through false gods, and dragged myself through Galaxy In Flames , I feel the same indignation.

I was promised adventure, escape and a journey through the worlds I inhabited as a teen, a deep dive into the waters of the Old Imperium, the Imperium of a living emperor, walking among men.


Fuck off and Die you money grabbing cunts.   We love GW, we love the universes you created for us, we dont love what you have done lately.  And that is all that counts.

Which bringeth us to fanbois.
They are the creationists and fundies of any hobby, clinging to a belief and defending it to the bitter end despite the evidence.

Over on BOW , theres a lovely wee flamewar , most people saying "omg hate this shovelware GW, we deserved better for our cash, after all, we made you", and the usual twats aying we should be grateful for these half arsed scraps. 

There are people who defend the bad control system in Assassins Creed 2 with equal fervour.  The control system has flaws, thats an observable and verifiable fact.  And yet, and yet...the fanbois say anyone who finds fault should "lrn2videogame" or "lrn2playnub".  Frankly, learn to troll, fanboi.

Our time on this planet is brief, fleeting and means only what we want it to, so why settle for second best?!

And yes, I just linked mortality to a video about toy soldiers.  Im that facile.

Sunday, 10 October 2010


Happy Douglas Adams Day.