Wednesday, 15 December 2010
No you fucking dont. Fuck off. Your an adult, probably late 30's , early 40's and you still get a fucking hardon cos you and your buddies are having a drink? Seriously? We outgrow that when we hit teenage years round these parts.
But it's OK, because your doing it all on a podcast about gaming. Yeah you show em fucknugget. You show em that you are not a geek like the rest of em...you can drink alcohol and sup and sip in my fucking ear whilst you do it. Do it like its fucking special, do it like it matters, do it like you aren't talking about toy soldiers you prick. Oh, yeah, you are amazing and special because you drink and play games. You made this a feature of your fucking podcast? Why would anyone NOT want to listen to "sip" "sup" "lipsmack" between your nuggets of gaming wisdom.
Wisdom like "I like the models stats" , wow, fucking deep. Gimme back my bandwidth ya cockmidgeted special case. Out of ideas? Stop recording.
Thats right, Grumhelden IS not dead,I'm back and angry. Dead Hard Drives != Blogging. Was pish.
I got some deldar, I'm going to mop up locally. It will be fun.
Saturday, 27 November 2010
The first thing I noticed was the massive difference between list building at 25 and at 35 points, its almost a different game.
My normal 25 point list when bulked up to 35 starts to become unweildy with 10 minute turns. So i ran with the following
Sunday, 21 November 2010
I was once like you are now, playing for fun, loving the chummy cameraderie of playing with my chums, all enid blyton and wooly jumpers.
Then it happened.
It started in Dundee, at a well run, and very friendly tournament. When I got home I felt OK at first. Then I felt a kind of hunger growing inside me. My local gaming club seemed to be filling that hunger at first. Then the hunger got deeper. Forums and blogs helped, but not enough...reading the fluff and the rules over and over just made it worse...I had to admit to myself that I was changing, I was becoming both more and less human at the same time. Some deep, ancient, dark hunger was taking over my every waking moment.
I was becoming a hard gamer.
There have been many names for us throughout history, WAAC, Cheese, Beards, Arseholes, but, as all things change, the hard gamer has too. He has realised that WAAC does not mean anti-fluff, that playing the rules does not mean you cant play the game, and that despite has original protestations, WAAC can be FUN! And fun does not mean that you use anti-WAAC sentiment to excuse your own inability to win, compete, or try.
Please note "Win, compete, or try", not "Win, Win, Win", only an idiot believes they can win 100% of the time.
A true champion is not born, but made, "undefeated" is only true for an arbitrary time frame. Every champion has been beaten, and those that use defeat as a learning opportunity become the ones you hear about. The ones who use defeat as a way to whine...well...a hero dies once, a coward dies a thousand deaths.
Yesterday there was a small tournament here in Glasgow, low turnout, but hadn't met or played with some of the guys before. 4 matches each. Here's mine, in all cases I played a Severuis/Knights list, I will go into more detail about each match, and the lists used, and it's lessons over the next few days.
Vs Cryx banespam.
Target rich environement, many layers, objective traffic jams
Massive damage soaking, Fast objective contention
Vs Cygnar Gun List
Massed Guns, Massive Concentration of Force, Missed Opportunity
Target Rich Environment, many layers, objective traffic jams, dejected players
I will post up each day a summary of the action, so as to not bore you to death here.
But the main lesson I learned this time:
Competitive Play Is Fucking Awesome!
Sunday, 14 November 2010
and similar in all the usual haunts...
Reading all the 1st impressions around the web, you would be forgiven for thinking that a blockbuster of Harry Potter proportions was winging it’s way to the silver screen.
However, read these impressions with the eye of a cynic , and the reviews are pretty much summed up as:
“WOO! YEAH! MARINES! STUFF THAT I LIKE ANYWAY!”
And I quote:
“There are some rough spots, BUT, whatever.”
“Split it with your buds if you have to, but BUY the movie... It's totally something you're going to watch again and again with your friends, your gaming group, and your girlfriend...ok may not that last one.”
Never in the history of fandom, has so much been said by so few.
Translation of the reviews I have read so far:
I FUCKING LOVE GW MAN! I DONT CARE THAT I DESERVED BETTER! I WILL SUCK SATANS BALLS FOR SUBSTANDARD PLASTIC (AND OR FILMS AND BOOKS) AND I WILL LOVE IT! IF YOU DISAGREE YOU HATE ALL WARGAMING AND ALL WARGAMERS AND ARE A TERRORIST AND UNAMERICAN AND COMMUNIST AND MUST DIE! LOVE GW OR DIE YOU COMMIE BASTARD!
Well, old bean, fuck this shitty film and the straight to dvd, substandard cash cow it rode in on.
You deserved better even if you are so cuckolded by GW that you don’t know it.
Even if the film is good, I will not be able to enjoy it because the taste of fanboi will be in my mouth.
I’m a GW hater? Want to test my GW credentials…every edition of Warhammer, 40k and all the books currently hogging my shelves say fuck you. Space Crusade/Advanced Space Crusade kick you in the nuts, And the Heroquests use a stack of Warhammer Quest boxes to throw Mordhiem parts at you.
I love GW. That doesnt mean that I agree with current policy or practice.
I have played GW games for 20 years.
The 1st big dream that was destroyed was Warhammer Online:Age of Reckoning.
It was like meeting your hero and finding out he was a twat when I first played that game.
We, you, I, deserved better. The shareholders owed it to us but Mark Jacobs wanted to make DaoC 2, and pissed on our dream.
The 2nd big dream that was destroyed was Ultramarines:The CashCow.
We, you , I, deserved better. Gods damn it all to the 9 hells, WE deserved better!
Fuck you GW. Fuck you and stop shitting on our dreams.
The following appeared in the comments on BoLS:
“Critical thinking is really not for the jaded. You do it by taking off the blinkers, opening your mind wide and looking all around you. It needs a certain amount of imagination, a sense of the vast potential the world has to offer, a belief in what could exist. The jaded don't have too much of that.
It is after all possible to find wonder in places other than expensive, straight-to-DVD animations hyped by fanboys who'll buy anything with the right logo.”
Well, fuck me gently with a well oiled bolter, there is hope!
Critical Consumers of the Crack unite!
Thursday, 11 November 2010
Now there's a manly challenge. Some serious competition and serious gaming across those heats. Doubt I'll be of that standard by then, but why not try? :)
I painted up sevvies cloak tonight, and I am extremely happy with the results, tried to take a few photo's but camera phone=shite. It was nice to be reminded (by N++) that all good painting takes is actual effort and time.
That blogpost reminded me that a million youtube videos, books and the like is no substitute for actual experience. Something I am also covering from another angle regarding list building. Hoping to have that readable soon.
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
Lose is spelleded as loose
Paid is spelted wright as Payed, and always add already, even though the word is already past tense already.
MY scene is the only scene, commie!
The stuff I own is indicative of what everyone else owns/can afford/wants. Especially with iPhones, iPads and digital stuff.
Threads like this : http://www.warseer.com/forums/showthread.php?t=282365 should indicate our attitude in general to humour or parody, and the crushing, grinding weight of always being right even when you are wrong.
This is the most important thing to remember when you post on warseer or anywhere similar:
Even if you are so incorrect that you are not even wrong, you are right because you are a special little snowflake.
Now, I am in the enviable position of not currently owning an army for 40K.
In the past I had decent success with Marines (1st, 2nd, 3rd edition), Imperial Guard(4th) and Witch Hunters (4th).
Now here's my evil,little plan. I firmly believe that we can crowdsource a win, and have about 5 months before the next local 40K event. At this point, I am a tabula rasa, and look to you, dear readers, to throw comments at me. Link this around Paincakes and lets build an army!
It can be as bent and as WAAC as we can think of. Because we aim to swim with the sharks.
Cost is not an issue, but has to use standard parts available off-the shelf at the flgs.
Lets get some traction behind this, I plan on documenting the entire thing from purchase of rulebooks through to tweeting from the tournament. And it will all be for us, the rejects, the punks and the outsiders, the good people of Paincakes, and so we can have a swift whisky at the expense of the forumhammer , po-faced, rod-up-the arse types. Ah fuck, I swore, shit.
So follow me on twitter, tweet @ me with suggestions, leave comments, and lets build an army together.
Monday, 8 November 2010
Here we have a gamer like myself (and you, probably): normal, well adjusted (...like fuck I am), and interested in gaming as a whole, whilst actually playing only 2 or 3 games. We tend to invest more heavily in one game than others, although we may dabble occasionally in the murky waters of different scales, or periods. Or one off games like Incursion(which is awesome). We are the average, everyday, silent majority.
We would shop in GW, but not consider it a social venue. We are open minded, and open to new things.
The Historical Single Period gamer, his favorite game is something like Fast-Play Rules For Conflicts in The Mugubugu Wars of 1610...Anyway... what more could be said for this individual? What further torment can we inflict? None. He has made his bed, let him lay in it.
In fact, no, lets digress a bit here. dear historical gamers. Learn to paint neatly, not everyone can be a picasso, but everyone can paint inside the lines, k?
The painting on some historical miniatures is Ebay Pro Paint standard. Its like they taped a brush to an epileptic and turned on a strobe light. Sick fucks! Epilepsy is not to be laughed at! And its most definitely not there for your painting convenience! Fucking sickos. "this is my goobooowugu force from the hamster wars of 1718, fought against the numerically inferior but technologically superior prussio-hungarians" Seriously? That's real guys that died, not made up cryptofascists or steam driven magical robots. At least paint them neatly
My Fluff/Band is better than your Fluff/Band, and so's my Fluff/Band.
And while we are on the subject, I care less about your made up chapter where the fluff gets raped like a slave at a ludus, than I care about in your band that blends Metallica and Sum 41 and Nirvana to create a new sound. It doesn't, you suck. And you always will. Fuck off, cut your hair, and sell your guitar, then come back so I can tell you to fuck off again. Then sell your marines (cos its always fucking marines). Then fuck off, again...again.
I have literally heard the following:
"My chapter are the secret lords of terra, they rule in the emperors stead and move behind the scenes , the emperor is their puppet and they wear camoflage and have access to all the best weapons, so I get land raiders for every 5 man squad".
Flying fist of fuck off and fuck yourself! It is an absolute insult to spew this shite at another human. There should be a law against it!
Many is the time I have read a fuckwitted thread and realised they are bending 40K into a game that has already existed for years, but they simply do not have the exposure or will to realise that it does. I'm thinking of a recent thread about 40K needing rewritten badly, the guy basically described FWC/Stargrunt/Hammers Slammers, but was ignorant of their existence. If only he knew that his needs had been met, but his ears were closed, as was his mind. I was sad :(
Single System Gamers are bad for the hobby, as they suffer from interminable myopia and mistake their views for reality all too often. You know one, you really do...
He starts sentences with "I think you'll find..." and spews banal trivia at your face until you want to punch yourself for failing so hard in life that you are of an equal social station to this fuckwit. Yes, it's your fault, and your's alone that you are stood here talking to a bad gamer who knows everything about everything and compares absolutely every fucking game to 40k.
His frame of reference is so limited its a fucking slit, and so is he. He is a Fucking slitman.
He happily interrupts conversation at the FLGS with some shitty insight into why X is better than Y, and invariably its a fallacy of the excluded middle anyway. But he is so fucking right in absolutely everything all the fucking time.
At the other extreme from slitman is slutman. The gaming slut. He can usually paint really quickly and extremely well. He can learn the rules for any system really quickly, and play a full game in an evening. By next week he has painted 10,000 cuntgobblers in 1mm and is playtesting an exciting new set of rules for two guys on a forum in Bremen. 10,000 well painted cuntgobblers, like, awe-inspiringly well painted. They are then consigned to a drawer while he paints up 6 54mm Gimps for use in a novelty set of rules that , *chortle chortle* lets you play "The Story Of O" Bondage using an IGOUGO system with interrupt activations.
So. Fucking. Novelty.
My mate rationalised these guys as " too afraid to get beat so they constantly try and be first at the new system, hoping this is the one that will fix all their problems and make them winners". They invariably win 1 game, then the rest of us catch up, and they move onto something even more obscure and self-fellating.
So what(actual Gaming content)?
How to be a well rounded gamer:
Now, my non-scientific observations have noticed something. The winners, the guys who repeatedly show up tops in tournaments or are considered "good" players, are the guys who fall into the first category. Normal, well-rounded, open-minded gamers. The slitmen usually end up losing due to simple things like deployment and poor list building, and the slutmen are simply scared of tournaments, people, and open spaces.
If you want to be a winner, if you want to be a better gamer, fewer systems more often is far better that 1 system all the time or all the systems none of the time. No matter how much you theorycraft or study the army lists, there is no subtitute for actually playing games against other people. Here's the secret about other people, they aren't you!
Get out there and play! It may look good on paper to have X list , but have you used it in actual, on the table play? Quite often , as happened with my Orcs and Goblins, the reality of deployment and first turn is very different from the theory. Quite often, the local meta will flavour your list building, until you come across a different meta, this happened in Dundee, units we had never faced before and had never had to counter were suddenly there, across the table, silently condemning us for our lack of preparation.
By all means, do the deployment training using battle chronicler and vassal, have your spreadsheets of probabilities and ratios, but temper this with the actual human element of contact with another mind.
There is a very famous quote about plans and enemies, and you should know it if your reading this. Take it to heart, because whilst prep is only 9/10 of the battle, the other 1/10 is the one that counts the most.
Now get out there and win!
Sunday, 7 November 2010
Jolly Good Show, What!
Oh and white dwarf tried too, but failed, as they want you to print out a pdf and then mail it in! How charmingly retro! How cheap of them! Heres the link :
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Woop! If your in the UK, this will be a great event to attend. For one, you'll be in the posh bit of Glasgow, so can get hammered in the evening with the brightest and best that we have offer, with very little fear of being stabbed. For two: The venue is massive, located in a busy, student/boho area and is dead easy to get to.
For Three: Its warmachine! In Glasgow! Fuck Yeah!
I keep getting ideas for posts, sketching them out , and leaving them unpublished. To alleviate this I have decided to set myself a posting schedule, and a set goal. So this post is more for me than anything.
Weekends: Rants and Random
Mondays: Tactics And Lists
Wednesdays: Hobby and General
This way I can have my cake and eat it, I have a decent wee store of hobby articles prepared, and I will never be short of things that piss me off.
See you later for my biggest issue with the hobby today: The Miniatures Page And BoLS , in which I will compare two websites to rock bands and mean it.
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
|This was 2 years before I was born!|
The main lol, is the young folk all "GW sacked him OMG shenanigans"...Fuck off and die you unyeared twats. He founded GW, he founded the hobby as it exists today. It is juvenile and smacks of inexperience to have any disrespect for the guy.
|This was before I could masturbate|
I then remembered that 17 means adult, and I wouldn't get done for assaulting a child, so I twatted him square in the nose, and told him to fuck off. Sadly, the internet, and my own advanced years mean that is not a viable, sensible or desirable way to deal with the arrogant ignorance of youth.
Something I see quite often is the fallacy of impossibility through incomprehension, the same logical fallacy that leads to creationists, fundies and the taliban (oh yes, I went there, I linked WARGAMES to FUNDAMENTALISM! That's how fucking asinine blogs are!), basically the fallacy is this:
I cant understand this therefore no one else can either.
I have no experience of this therefore no one else has either
People do this every fucking day of their short miserable lives and they do not stop to think about what they are actually doing. The internet makes it possible to see this in action in a way that can make it seem that absolutely everyone else is a fucking retarded fuck. But take hope, Paincakes will show that its only 99% of us are retarded fucks, with no respect for anything that we have not directly experienced.
It is with great sadness, and some measure of abject terror, that I realise that I am old enough to have waited what seems like an eternity for White Dwarf to hit the shelves, to run down to the town centre (Port Glagsow...), buy White Dwarf (well, steal, I was poor as fuck), and run home to read every line of text on every page, ad infinitum ad nauseum, becoming totally and utterly absorbed in the world it presented.
I know, thats an "uphill both ways in the snow" story, but with instant access to the collective ignorance of the masses, no child will ever do that again, which is sad and awesome all at once. The permeation of gaming culture into mainstream culture, the blending of music into one formless mass with no underground cliques, where "rock" clubs play pop songs, and the idea of being an individual is pumped into every fucking hole your flesh has made it hard to be young, and created the second generation gap in wargaming...
We have the "featherstone boys" the founding fathers, are starting to pass into legend, as they sadly die and age. The "Preistley Boys" (30-45 ish), who grew up just before the internet, before mobile phones, and yet are young enough to grok and utilize both. The young uns, for whom the fluff will never be as meaningful, because so many avenues of escape exist. They have grown up with networked communications and entertainment, , literal speed of thought communications, and absolutely no checks and balances in place for their collective stupidity. 5000 14 year old social rejects in the world as it is now, are really, really , really fucking rejected. The thought that they may be wrong in the one thing that they tale refuge in must be really, really hard to deal with.. Well, tough shit, truth is truth kids. And yes, we all hate you too.
Monday, 1 November 2010
Ok, Its done, My skin remains unflayed, my embarrassment gene unfiddled and my chest is all swellful with pride. I took part in my first tournament and didnt fail, didnt suck, didnt make a pass at a card player and generally succeeded in every way possible. Apart from winning...but I came closer than I would have dreamed possible.
The big thing to take away from the day was that there are as many playstyles as there are people, and hobby via internet often makes you forget this. I met a great bunch of people, they hosted a great day and no one went away feeling robbed. This is the opposite of what you would expect if you had only read about these things via the filters of teenage machismo.
Don't get me wrong, we were WAAC and cut-throat like fuck, but had fun doing it. I learned more in one morning of playing than I have in a year, and the variety of lists , the variety and quality of paint jobs and the fantastic failure of this blogger to charge his phone and take pictures really made my October. Now, bear in mind I had been mentally punching my nose over this for weeks, procrastinating like an unsure agnostic at a 3 for 2 offer in Gamestation,
Instead of my dreamed of, honed to perfection lists, painted to a reasonable standard with at least neat and presentable paint jobs, I fielded undercoated, patchy and scrappy white with ugly gold smeared across them like butter on a hot knife. Fugly!
Surprisingly though...they were not the worst paint job there, and there was a shocking amount of bare metal on the table. Now here's where the blogeritis kicks in...the top 3 slots were all fully painted, and well painted, armies, with a cohesive fluff and rules theme, and they consistently performed well. The wooden spoon winner( Matt) was also a fantastically well painted army, fielded by a fantastically nice guy.
So, from a science perspective we can state that unpainted, or badly painted armies are the stuff that no one remembers.
Everyone will remember Jim's Orobororororos, Michael's sea of bane thralls (seriously, horrible, 24 bane thralls...ugh) and Adams absolutely lovely everblight, and they were the top three, they will also remember Matt's non-standard Cygnar, who stood resplendent in Grey and White , and helped him gain last place. This is helped by the fact that Jim is current UK champion, and Michael was hung over and still in half-drag from the night before, everyone expected Jim to romp home, and the real battle to be who would take second.
I'll post up some brief battle reports and lessons learned, especially for my fellow menites in the next few days.
Sunday, 24 October 2010
7:28 is the sketch in question.
See, maybe it is just culture, but up here we would maybe start with "Right Pal, what you done lately?" , rather than "MGGMpfff....Love your work Mr Guy From FF/Author/Self-Published Niche Boardgame Designer", we are after all, the birthplace of kicking burning terrorists in the face. So perhaps I judge too harshly, and should just be thankful that they are doing it at all...I mean after all, its not easy doing a podcast. Speaking of which...surely someone on The Paincakes network must be thinking along these lines? It would be fantastic to have a podcast that is more "punk" than Sunday School, y'know, more Paincake than BoLs.
See, I just wrote all that in a fit of bile, and let the paint dry on my brush...pish!
Gear change, back on original intended topic:
I'm one of the nicest, most polite people I know, and the thought of this tournament next week is actually making me ill. Sitting painting menites at 02:20 AM on a Saturday when I could have had them all finished earlier, sickened! If I learn anything from this painting drive I'll be sure to pass it on. Any tips internet? How can I stop worrying and learn to love the brush?
Saturday, 23 October 2010
Friday, 22 October 2010
Now the main point here is to show how this evolves over the course of the week, as the Day Of Defeat approaches.
Army Name: Steamroller 1
Protectorate of Menoth
25+6 points, 23 models
Feora, Priestess of the Flame +6 points
* Revenger 6 points
* Vanquisher 8 points
4 Choir of Menoth 2 points
6 Flameguard Cleansers 5 points
Reclaimer 2 points
6 Temple Flameguard 4 points
* TFG Officer & Standard 2 points
Vassal of Menoth 2 points
Experienced warmachine players will be laughing their well toned tits off right now.
Now, the plan will be largely dictated by the enemy, but the basic thrust (hurr hurr) is to keep Feora alive long enough to feat, and pray that enough cleansers and flameguard remain to hold objectives/kill things with fire.
Planning on playtesting the list tonight against the current UK champion, whom I am fortunate enough to attend the same club as. That was a bad sentence there , by the way.
The steamroller format requires two lists, so the back up list will be kreoss and redeemer spam, a broken, ugly, shitty list, but also the only other list I have painted, I plan on putting photos up as a kind of challenge to myself, No matter how far along the paint jobs are, I will put them up here, I encourage you to slag me rotten, and send links to your friends so they can also kick my teeth in for being so shit and lazy at painting.
The worst part of the painting deficiency is I regularly play with actually talented and intelligent players who know the rules and can paint. My penis feels very small when Im in their presence! /sadface
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, 20 October 2010
I'm now on the HoP network!
Not been this happy since I heard this. More on that later.
What an awesome day!
Think I'll round it off by painting the minis for the upcoming WM Steamroller event at Highlander Games at the end of the month. This will be my first ever tournament, should be fun and provide good blogfodder.
Oh no, wait...
I ordered Incursion from Wayland Games, as they have it on a crazy cheap deal: £25 for the game and two blisters, fantastic! Details here: Holy Nazi Zombies Batman!
So I check the link that wayland send me, really lovely tracking system, all good. I can see where and when etc, but alas the when is right inside the two hours that the house would be unoccupied today. No problem, I said to myself, I'll just get it redelivered outwith that slot. Phones em up, they say "No Problem Mr Helden, that will be £10.00".
£10.00 Extra on top of what I already paid to get you to just do your fucking job?
Your not doing me a fucking favour! You are not painting my house for a pot noodle and a cuppa, your not fluffing me for a "movie scene", your delivering my fucking stuff , on the money that I already bloody paid!
The alternative to this was of course a random slot the next day. So I wait in until its time to go to work I guess. Of course they don't deliver on weekends. They wont redeliver to my work without an extra premium.
Flying Fist of Fuck off and Die.
Tuesday, 19 October 2010
If you dont have an Android handset, iPhone, or Blackberry, you can also read them on your PC by visiting mobipocket.com and installing the PC reader software. Download and save the .mobi format, and import them into Mobi reader, and bob's your uncle. Free Books! Decent books too. Nice one.
Dan Abnett / First and Only
Graham McNeill/ Nightbringer
Saturday, 16 October 2010
I have a professional and academic interest here , as my BSC is actually in animation. One thing that struck me about the Ultramarines trailer was a purely objective assessment of the quality of the render. It was shite. This was made more laughable by the comment on the GW site earlier in the week , under an image from the film:
"Check the texture of the armour"
I did, I lol'd.
To get my degree I had to create a short animation, using the tools we had in 2003, and not only my, but also my classmates, efforts had far better texturing, it was required as part of the degree.
The general consensus on the interwebz is that this film is a failure, ahem, sorry, is "teh fail!"
, and it bloody is.
I feel as insulted by this film as I do by the steadily declining Horus Heresy series.
I was drawn in by Dan Abnetts fantastic writing. You know, writing that has characters and plot and that kind of stuff, and now having ploughed through false gods, and dragged myself through Galaxy In Flames , I feel the same indignation.
I was promised adventure, escape and a journey through the worlds I inhabited as a teen, a deep dive into the waters of the Old Imperium, the Imperium of a living emperor, walking among men.
Instead you get "RAWRARARAWR ABBADON IS STOMPY AND HE IS BIG AND MEAN RAWRAAWRA!"
Fuck off and Die you money grabbing cunts. We love GW, we love the universes you created for us, we dont love what you have done lately. And that is all that counts.
Which bringeth us to fanbois.
They are the creationists and fundies of any hobby, clinging to a belief and defending it to the bitter end despite the evidence.
Over on BOW , theres a lovely wee flamewar , most people saying "omg hate this shovelware GW, we deserved better for our cash, after all, we made you", and the usual twats aying we should be grateful for these half arsed scraps.
There are people who defend the bad control system in Assassins Creed 2 with equal fervour. The control system has flaws, thats an observable and verifiable fact. And yet, and yet...the fanbois say anyone who finds fault should "lrn2videogame" or "lrn2playnub". Frankly, learn to troll, fanboi.
Our time on this planet is brief, fleeting and means only what we want it to, so why settle for second best?!
And yes, I just linked mortality to a video about toy soldiers. Im that facile.
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
The glasgow Warmachine League is grinding to halt, and for some it has ran out of steam( i'll get me coat). All in all, it was a great excuse to get in some serious warmachine games, and really pushed me to learn more about this fine game.
I started out using pKreoss, with double redeemers and deliverers, but as the games went by found that they really didnt suit my playstyle at all, too slow, too random and too easy to counter. My last game was a much more enjoyable and fun affair, I used the following list:
Flameguard and UA
This list is the best I have come up with yet, although it is a 1 trick pony...charge a light jack at the enemy caster, punch a hole, feat and use Burning Effigy...the poor enemy caster is alight and the assasination kill is yours...unless you roll dice like I do and completely fail to remove that last pesky wound. On the bright side, watching all those elves survive one turn just to drop dead on the next was very fun!
I made the mistake of thinking "well, this is all over" and left feora exposed, and as intimated, left the enemy caster with 1 box of life, enough for a loss on the following turn.
The Vigilant is just pure geeky awesome...it has two shields for punching with! That aside, it does sport a healthy ARM of 21 , which can then be boosted up to 23, on a light jack that it just silly, especially for the points, so it is highly survivable. If the Vigilant hits a tarpit, charge in with the revenger to punch a hole, either by stabbing with the halberd, slamming with the shields knockback ability or channeling some flaming death via the arc node. These two jacks synergise so beautifully it makes me weep green tears of joy.
To help execute the strategy, and lend some weight to the assault, you have the shiny white armoured knights in their two flavours...the errants with the range and trickery, and teh exemplars with the sheer unbridled killpower.
In all honesty I use these as a skirmish screen for the jacks and feora, they have high survivability combined with high kill factor, especially from the Knights Exemplar, and the flameguard/vanquisher take care of the other flank, especially against massed ranks of troops. Dont forget that the flameguard are immune to fire when feora is on the table, so drop the vanquishers flame cannon on them whilst in combat for cruel death, then do it all again with the vassal. Boosted up with the choir it makes for quite a lethal combo. The UA makes them cause terror as well, so they really are quite a useful unit.
My orcs and Goblins are really coming together now,(again with the puns), and I have added a Boss on Wyvern for larger games. I stopped into GW to buy a can of primer and left with a box of boar boyz and a can of primer. Typical.
The boar boyz however, are really quite lovely...the hyperbole that you usually see in WD is totally and utterly justified in this case, to the extent that the 10 existing boar boyz I had are ebay bound, the new models just outclass them.
This brings my cavalry up to 3 units, 2xForest Goblins on Spiders and 1x Boar Boyz, with command and magic items, this is a hefty points cost, but really fits with the them i imagined for my force. In my tiny green mind they are a fast moving, pillaging force, with some little gobbo's following along for the sheer waaaagh! of it, rather than a horde of goblins swarming inexorably over the empire.
Now I really should actually play a game of warhammer to make all the painting worth it.
Wednesday, 11 August 2010
Thursday, 5 August 2010
|This man predicted Facebook before there were networked computers.|
Also, he just looks *awesome* doesn't he!
All media work us over completely. They are so pervasive in their personal, political, economic, aesthetic, psychological, moral, ethical, and social consequences that they leave no part of us untouched, unaffected, unaltered.
What about toy soldiers you lefty nut?
Now, what has this to do with toy soldiers I hear you cry? Well, wargaming is currently in its second golden age by anyone's account, and there has never been a better time to play with toy soldiers. One of the best apsects of our current media age, mature as it is now, is the fact that we are all content producers as well as consumers, and each man's opinion shouts as loud as the next one...fair enough,that's a bad thing as well really.
Podcasting is the surprise hit of web 2.0, the poster child that sent traditional media into a spiral of pricing models and panic production, and amongst that noise, there rose the sound of dice on wood, of dropped rulebooks and echoing halls...and of the half baked opinions of everyone vain enough to write a blog or produce a show!
Whilst I was lost on MMO's podcasts and audio books were my constant companion through raids, grinds and farming, and I got quite addicted to them in all honesty. When I turned my gaze back on wargaming, my second port of call after Google was the iTunes store, and there is a wealth of podcasts/vidcasts out there now that really do the trick when painting a unit or two.
To that end, I think I'll start a little side project of collating sources for the things that get me through my gaming day :)
The D6 Generation, hosted by Reaf Granger, Russ Wakelin and Greg Gallant(possibly not his name...its what it sounds like though :P ), is usually a longer show, is PG rated, and covers boardgames, wargames, card games, and general "geek" culture in a friendly approachable way. They avoid in-jokes and clique references, and actually inform you! The conversational style of reviews is a fantastic way to actually get information about products, as 9/10 times one of the hosts will ask that stupid question that was in your head. The only downside is I rarely get to listen to a whole episode at once. As for the price, we'll its free! So there's no harm in trying it out.
Wednesday, 4 August 2010
Warhammer, Hordes and all the bits and gubbins a dwarf could ask for.
Usual round of magazines this month, the fantastic Wargames Illustrated leads with a ton of info on Blitzkreig, the long awaited and long anticipated Early War book for FoW. Buried away at the back of this months WI is a great article on the Battle of Marathon, a great read and far and away the best looking, best value hobby magazine out there. If you haven't ever picked up a copy or only have even a passing interest in historics, then believe that the £4.00 asking price is money well spent.
Miniature Wargames is to WI as WI is to White Dwarf :) This month the magazine that to me seems ideal for old school/older gamers (i.e. more words, less pictures...guess which I prefer) goes all out on the successors wars (the sequel to that film with Hannibal the Cannibal and Colin Farrel), a big guide to Britcon and some lovely Victorian SF coverage. Worth picking up, but not an essential purchase, unless like me you are making up for years of being skint by buying everything...
Now, No Quarter, a magazine I have bought since issue 1, new editor, new sections, basically a new magazine. I cannot recommend it enough for new or existing players, as well as a peek at some hordes units that will be in the books, but aren't in the main book, there's a fantastic tactica on playing Orboros. It just so happens that I'm building my very own Team Jacob at the moment and the article has made me rethink a lot, I had a lot wrong (nowt new there to be fair) and I'm heading back to the drawing board with that one.
White Dwarf is a disappointing read this month. I'm very underwhelmed with the new Daemon models, and have no intentions of doing a chaos army, so the content for me was more a matter of keeping up. It's been a while since White Dwarf had me excited, but rumours of Tomb Kings should restore my faith.
The large John Blanche section is always a treat, and is now a recurring theme...are they foreshadowing a departure? 4 whole pages are devoted to LOTR, a worrying decline in content, in keeping with patterns us grognards are used to by now. The standout feature this month was 'Eavy Metal...some fantastic tips in there for painting glows and deep layered looks. Next month they promise us "Isle of Blood"...I canna wait for that, I have no intentions of collecting either a High Elves or Skaven army, but its nice to have the option considering i'll be spending the cash anyway.
I also obtained a unit of Knights Exemplar and a unit of Knights Errant...and won my 1st League game thanks to stupidly overpowered Knights Exemplar...some Acid cloud jobbies allowed my exemplars to run into them and die, leaving one man at +5 STR/+5 ARM, charge a knocked down Asphyxious and stab him until he was redead. Even if that had failed, the errants have an ability that allows you to reallocate wounds...so move one into the persistent effect..reallocate wound...out he pops and *thwip* magic crossbow time :)
Saturday, 31 July 2010
Mantic Games, purveyors of fine, true scale, fantasy miniatures that are dirt cheap and bloody good, are producing a ruleset, big-box starter, the works!
Massive amounts of coverage over at Beasts of War, loads of things that would make any gamer gush.
Considering the recent , critically acclaimed, release of Warhammer 8th Edition one does wonder what prompted the release so close to it.
One baffling remark on the BoW site itself :
"Competition is badly needed in the wargaming market and it will be interesting to see if the wargaming community start to support Mantic and what they are trying to do (which is basically what wargamers have been asking for for years), what do you guys think, will you make the jump?"
Yep, because there is only 1 choice, and there is in no way a billion petty rulesets produced by a billion petty fatmen. oh wait...
But, yes, another mass action fantasy game cannot hurt.
I am genuinely excited by this, not least because the miniatures themselves are fantastic
, the rules are written by a steady hand with some experience behind him, and the company is well run and seems to have it's prioritys straight, i.e a business that works for profit and it's community...whats not to like?
In fact, I've just gone and order a messenger bag, comes with a free box of mini's for 18 quid.
That's less than I would pay at GW (Whom I LOVE ABSOLUTELY AND WITHOUT QUESTION) for less product...
I remain stung by Urban Mammoth/I-Kore and the promises of sci-fi goodness that they broke, I pray that mantic do it right.
Bloody refreshing to see a wargaming website that isn't being moribund and anti-GW, whilst not being so pro GW that they ignore all other games. I'm looking at you TMP and BoLS.
Started a group to act as a container for G3, hoping that I haven't stood on any toes.
Beasts of War, Wargaming, TV, News, Reviews, Unboxings,
Tactics and Tips
I really urge you to have a look.
Wednesday, 28 July 2010
1. Why the cockmidget is the Annual published in 2010 called "the 2008 Annual".
Seriously, WTF? The text you would need to change, even if you had to delay the publication by 2 years, is 2 characters. Thats all, just 08 to 10. Sales would be better. I know this due to my brain being wired to this fucking reality.
2. The Ultimate Painting Guide.
Shit on a stick. A circlejerk snowball of preteens mashing keyboards with their helmets. The 'gramma', the "OK, So I will show you how I did this awesome thing" opening to a tutorial followed by the distinct lack of an actual fucking tutorial, the pisspoor examples, it just goes on. It is the most pointless painting guide since some sycophant gave Rick Priestly space to show of his stupid fucking red orc in the previous but one edition of the Citadel Miniatures Painting Guide. Absolute tosswank, vomited aloft and caught by the eager waiting mouths of the sycophantic fucks that circlejerk their way around that shithole. Even the design of the site is a wankbrained attempt at a php tutorial; TMP is the only wargaming site of note that is worse.
Here's a man who actually shows you how to paint, seems nice, and understands crazy newfangled concepts like "markets","presenation" and "NOT FUCKING 1996".
One tiny problem, Chris over at AG productions is now making Christian Videos too. Agree with his religion or suffer for all eternity.
Fuck. Off. With. Your. Fucking. God. You. Fuck.
I don't care, you have your fantasy and I'll have mine. In saying that, my fantasies tend to be more about Ice Cream and Coffee than dead Jews nailed to crosses getting butthurt if I sleep on my day off.
Friday, 2 July 2010
Thursday, 3 June 2010
The latter half of May saw a round of assembly and undercoating, and a new rule that i have managed to maintain so far...As soon as is practical, base and undercoat anything you buy(except food and clothes and that).
This is working out great in all honesty as i have , on last monthly trip, purchased an extra redeemer, a devout, an ogryn bokur, some deliverers and a platoon of yanks for FoW. I had them all assembled, pre-based and undercoated the next day.
I started working on the Bokur, as i plan to use him with my mercs which are already painted anyway, and i am very pleased with the results so far, i would go as far as to say proud :)
Its really inspired me to crack into the rest of the menites and get a fully painted force on the table, with a view to cracking the tournament circuit in time :)
Thursday, 20 May 2010
That was frighteningly quick...a silly amount of time has flashed by.
So, inventory wise, obtained a scrooble of mercs from a fellow at g3...magnus, his battlegroup, some steelheads, some cutthroats, and a few solos.
New plastic menoth jack, built as a Vanquisher, next one is on its way as a Templar.
GF got me a Guardian and a unit attachement for my recently acquired temple flameguard.
Obtained a unit of zealots, menofix bearer, pFeora, pSeverius, wracks and a unit of idarian skirmishers.
And well, thats all i can but this year realistically :P
As for warhammer...on pause until v8 ships, but got a battlebox of orcs, some black orcs, giant, and some fanatics to spice it up.
Malifaux...just not feeling this game at all. :(
The really, really good news: Flames Of War! people at the club are starting to play FoW again, looking like midwar will be the period of choice.
The really, really , really really good news: Future War Commander in 15mm....omg its gonna be good. Still undecided as to what io will actually field, but im thinking Critical Mass armour with GZG/Old Crow infantry, maybe a unit of cossacks (rough rider analougues :P)
Played a great game of WM, with pMagnus vs pMagnus...a beautifully executed refused flank, some great manouvering and soem bad dice rolls meant i lost...but it was a hellish tarpit of aoe and luck that won the day for Martin.
Saturday, 13 February 2010
Here's my stance
If you take the string "gamer" and add anything in front of it, you segregate and separate yourself from that person. That also applies to "human" of course.
Our fantasy flights are supposed to be separate from the illusion of difference we impose on our everyday lives.
The important signifier is "gamer". The unimportant denominator is "girl" or "female".
If you take "girl" and "gamer" you are no longer signifying the same set as "gamer", you are giving this new signifier a new set, "girl gamer". There may be a crossover between the sets, but they are different sets.
And thats why it is harmful and stupid to call this person out for having tits and a pussy rather than tits and a dick, like the rest of us.
Happy Days :P
I didn't get much of a chance to use them, yet, but briefly:
They water down very well
They do not require as much water as Vallejo Fantasy Colour
They require *much* less water than Vallejo Model Colour
They are better flowing, more "goopy" and more sticky out of the pot than GW paints(although, y'know, shouldnt use paints straight from the pot...ever).
If you over-weater them they are a great wash/glaze.
They also taste, smell and look very familiar if you started painting and playing in the late 80's :P
Very, very familiar.
I couldnt find out for sure but I would swear these are actually Cote D'arms paints.
http://www.wargamesworkshop.com They got these to me in less than 24 hours \o/
Onto the Box contents for the Menoth set :0
Sanguine Base: Essential for menoth, this is a beautiful, deep, maroon.
Bloodstone: Not used yet, but essentially the 3rd stage highlight as far as I can tell.
Heartfire: A very unique yellow, with orangey red through it, almost like the flesh of a blood orange, cant wait to use it.
Menoth White Base: Basically Bleached bone, or Boney white, but higher pigment density than the vallejo.
Menoth White Highlight: Very nice :) almost like skull white/white with a hint of umber, ideal for doing a realistic feeling white.
Sanguine Highlight: The complement , foundry-style, to the base, again a unique shade, like a light maroon.
Having such a pleasant experience with wargamesworkshop, I think i'll definitely use them again, but only for things I cant get in the FLGS. It is far more important to me that the local store gets my extra cash than me saving a few pence.
I'm also thinking of a wet pallete, as the non-gw paints really do dry far too quickly in the environment I paint in. My afternoon will mostly be spent finding out how to make one, and then I'll probably buy a slightly overpriced P3 version, like this one Wet pallete.
Its a luxury item, but what is the point if we can't treat ourselves now and then?
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
After several attempts at getting just the right combination of paint and luck onto them, I have decided to go back to the drawing board and redo the lot.
I enjoy the vallejo paints, but i am perhaps just too used to the GW way of doing things, to my eternal shame...
I have learned a great deal about how the paint flows, and in some cases how much it tends to over flow, and I am loving the curve, but after advice from local players and the staff at the FLGS , I have plumped for a P3 set for the menoth colours. Many people say that to achieve the menoth look pretty much requires these or GW colours, as the vallejo's just dont mix that well for the reds and purples. Well, I'll soon find out.
In other news, Malifaux is looking sexy and my temp me away.
And tonight, I aim to finish some test schemes for the dwarfs and gobbos.
And bloody GW , releasing all that 40K ork sexiness...I'm trying to keep this habit in check this time!
Friday, 5 February 2010
I hate white.
So far I have tried to paint it up from grey, up from bone and pure white/ink/highlight.
One thing is abundantly clear by this point. I really need to up my game when it comes to painting.
It is the exact opposite of riding a bike it seems, half remembered techniques and methods that just dont work anymore, especially as I'm now using Vallejo paints.
A note on the Vallejo's , when you think they are thin enough, they aren't.
Unless they are red. In which case they are already too thin, too shiny and frankly a pain to work with.
The new Citadel Inks/Washes are a bit meh too. I find I long for the previous iteration, and if anyone knows where i can find them I would be eternally grateful, i'll try Cote D'arms but i think thats a generation back again.
The warmachine faction of choice for me is of course Menoth, which means whites and reds.
I could have just gone Cygnar and slopped on some Blue over black, and been happy, but I really wanted to challenge myself, and really push myself painting wise.
Having bought the Menoth metal starter box, a unit of Flameguard Cleansers and a Paladin of the Wall solo, I have ample mini's to practise on. My results so far are ugly, amatuer and bear all the hall marks of someone just starting out:
--Paint too thick
--No Definition or seperation.
I have to be honest with myself, and try and just get a neat paint job on there in time for my 1st game, which is booked, all being equal, for the end of the month.
So here's hoping that I have something worth taking a photo of by then!
In other news...the battle for skull pass box set has worked it way into my possession, and I love it...ooodles of goblins and dwarves to practise on, and the core of two armies, allowing me to branch out in either (or both) direction(s).
My woman has comandeered a unit of Gobbos; last i looked they were fully painted and sitting on her desk looking smug and accusatory...
Thursday, 28 January 2010
As is always the way with these things, I head into town , pay in bank, with a preset "fun money" amount in my head.
I also plan on buying skull pass as a nice shortcut to having ooodles of plastic to paint and as a nice start to either dwarves or greenskins, my two favorite fantasy races in any setting.
So im in the FLGS and walk out with Warmachine:Prime II and a 21 point Menoth force, with a bunch of Vallejo paints.
So i go two feet, and remember i no longer have a pin vice, or mat, or blades, or green stuff, or...well, you get the idea :P
A few trips round the town, managaing to forget everything until i was at the other end of the place , and i settle down for a nice coffee, and a panani affair containing Bacon (bacon is the active ingredient in pleasure...fact).
My customary gloat is now once more satisfying, as poring over miniatures and rulebooks is infinitely more satisfying than poring over the back cover of a game, or worse....just buying it on steam.
So im sat here, filing and cleaning, listening to the new cypress hill album on spotify, enjoying a day off...result.
Pictures of the forces of zealotry to follow.
Monday, 25 January 2010
- Paint a whole army, to a good standard.
- Collect and field a Warhammer Army.
- Play regularly.
The other thing i wanted to do since , oooh, about 2004, was actually start and commit to a writing project/diary/blog that wasnt entirely personal and "emo".
So, background/Fluff to Grumhelden's birth:
Grumhelden was born in 1993, and was a crap citadel dwarf that i was absurdly proud of. It was crap, really. Ugly paint and a horrible sculpt.
Grum was then reborn in 2006, when my mate said , quite innocently, try World of Warcraft, heres a buddy key. I have never forgiven him. Before I knew it my paint dried up, my mini's were sold and i was a shut-in.
Fast Forward to 2009 and i emerge , blinking and stunned , richer, older and a little concerned at my lack of "life".
So , as we do, we return to our first loves, fantasy, sci-fi and soldiers in skirts. Whats even better is the hobby is in a far better place than it's ever been. More rules, more mini's, more paints! It's awesome, truly!
I also find that i drift in and out of the hobby, and there is always a serindipedous release when i drift in, this time its Warmachine, with rebooted rules, plastic jacks that beg for magnets and a fresh energy.
It's also nice to see the spaceship game hot-drop just as I wander into the Game shop once more, thankyou Spartan, my second purchase is sealed :P
So my plan:
- grab some paints and brushes and get painting, and some mini's.
- Thanks to Ebay, 12 necromunda plastics, all identical, means i can grab some vallejo and some of the new Citadel range and play until i get the feel again.
- Grab some rules!
- Firestorm Armada, Warmachine Prime 2, and whatever the local guys are currently playing.
- Grab a Warhammer Boxed Set
- Loads of mini's to mess up, and the core of a dwarf army(what else would i play after all?)
- Load of Gobbo's to sell on ebay after giving them "pro-paint" arse-up jobs.
- A cool wee pony to sit atop my monitor :)
Until next time,
May your days be many, and your hardships few...
Sunday, 24 January 2010
So I go back to what I know first and best...painting toy soldiers and poring over rulebooks!
The best part is the hobby is in better shape than ever! Result :P