Monday, 4 July 2011

Fully Steamed Up in the Dark Age of Malifaux

Happy 4th Of July my lovely colonial friends, how are you all today?

New Horizons

I am aware that with lines on maps I have boxed myself into a corner somewhat in terms of content, after all, nobody comes here for hobby tips, so have started up a sister blog at to chart the development and hobby aspect of my various warmachine forces. Im quite excited at having to censor the fuck out of myself to make sure that the hobby aspect is the one that attracts visitors.

I mean, i hate the fuck out of censorship, but some folks get funny ideas about language and its corrupting power. I mean, just look at GW marketing, the mere act of reading it reduces your ability to reason.

Playing Games

Hobby wise, I played a couple of games of Dark Age yesterday over at BlasterBonatti's (yes, his real name, he shoots lazorz and everything), not a lot you can say about this game that hasnt been said. The miniatures are sexy, the design ethic behind them all being based on the artwork of Brom, and they are very much a prestige line. (ROFL BRO MART!!! OMG i wish that site existed, all pictures of peach polo shirts with popped collares, fake tan and spiky hair BRO. We could all be like yeah, copacetic BRO.)

Back to the game, bra, so we played two games, me winning against El Presidente was a given, he has the worst luck in dice you have ever seen. I mean, I planned my entire game based on him failing to hit/wound things and it worked. I really feel bad for EP at those times, when he needs a 19 or less he *will* roll a 20. Crestfallen, he retreated and left BB and I to play again, this time was closer, but I seem to remember it being a win on my side as well. I was using St John and he pretty much bounced around killing things with no real contest.
Hi i'm St John, Im in ur base hammering your doodz
He is somewhat overpowered in the game to be fair, massive powerhammer was massive.

We also got a game of malifaux in, and heres where I had some real fun. It was my first game of malifaux in the time since I got the Lady Justice starter, and I used the starter bought for my other half all that time ago, which I have reclaimed, with Baby Kade snuck in to bring me to 25 SS. The force was:
Less than 20 quid, and its all you need for a 20SS game

  • Lylyth, Mother of Monsters
  • Cherub Totem
  • 3x Terror Tots
  • 1x Mature Nephilim
  • 1x Baby Kade
My opponent used Sheamus, his totem, the hanged and some WHORES!

Only in malifaux can you send an army of demons led by the first wife of Adam(yes, Eve came second, Lilith was first, and was cast out and seeks revenge by killing baby's in middle eastern myth) against a mad irish necrophile and have a blast.

Now I had some reservations previously with malifaux, I just didnt get it at all, but the guys playing it at the club seemed enthused so I stuck with it, eventually reading the rules properly when the A5 rulebook was released.  The A5 book is a MUST by the way, the rules actually make sense when laid out as they are in that august tome, and helped me get over my "huh?" felling I had.  It's well known that the card mechanic replaces dice, and it works so brilliantly I waish that there were more games taking that kind of direction. 

So turn 1, we flip for initiative(I.E. Draw a card, compare values), I gets it and moves up, fumbling my way through the abilities and effects that I wish I had read up on more.  I knew for example that the Mature Nephilim could carry the wee baby terror tots, but didnt know to start in B2B( my mind had plugged it into the Tyhpons slipstream mechanic in my head) for example.  Once I started to get close to Seamus, BB fell back in good order and hid behind an Oil derrick, denying me targets and forcing me to do the running.  

Turns 2 and 3 were pretty much a Benny Hill sketch of chasing, luring and willpower duels as we tried to get the other into charge position.  I lost the Mature Nephilim on turn 3 because I forgot about alternate activations, leaving him out of position and facing his death by guns and umbrellas.  Turn 4, somthing finally happened with some of the whores going down(lol, going down, its like I said FELLATIO) to liliths massive chopper, a terror tot threatened Seamus and the cherub looked cherubic, to no avail.

Heres where the other amazing thing was encountered.  At the start of each game each master chooses a scheme or strategy that they keep secret.  Fulfilling these schemes or strategys rewards extra VP at the end, in addition to any gained from the genera scenario.  BB got 3, I got 1, he won.  I really, really enjoyed Malifaux, and cannot recommend it enough.  So much so that I fully intend to try and get a tournament together later in the year for it.  Its that damn good.



  1. شركة نقل عفش بالدمام الشرق الاوسط متحصصه فى نقل عفش واثاث بالدمام ونقل العفش بالخبر كما انها توفر شركة نقل عفش بالجبيل والخبر وشركة نقل عفش بالقطيف والاحساء وجميع خدمات نقل العفش والاثاث بالمنطقة الشرقية بارخص اسعار نقل عفش بالدمام وتقدم ايضا شركة تخزين عفش بالدمام والخبر
    نقل عفش بالدمام
    شركة نقل اثاث بالدمام
    شركة نقل اثاث بالخبر
    شركة نقل اثاث بالجبيل
    شركة نقل عفش بالخبر
    شركة نقل عفش بالقطيف
    شركة نقل اثاث بالاحساء


  2. شركة تنظيف خزانات بالمدينة المنورة وشقق بالمدينة المنورة شركة غسيل خزانات ومكافحة حشرات بالمدينة المنورة ونقل عفش بالمدينة المنورة مؤسسة صفوة المدينة
    شركة تنظيف خزانات بالمدينة المنورة
    شركة مكافحة حشرات بالمدينة المنورة مؤسسة صفوة المدينة انها الاولى فى مكافحة ورش الحشرات بالمدينة المنورة رش البق رش الصراصير مكافحة النمل الابيض بالمدينة المنورة
    شركة مكافحة حشرات بالمدينة المنورة