Thursday, 23 June 2011

How do you respond when someone posts pictures of AWFUL minis?

Hi all, just a quick post, killing time after a gas leak and subsequent evacuation. So, you know when your on forums, and someone proudly posts a set of photo's of their latest love? And you ever notice that the people who are most proud are those with the least amount to be proud of?

I mean, dont get me wrong, I'm no cyrstal brush winner, and in fact I have not finished a single mini since I got back into wargaming. I made some classic mistakes and had an accelerated learning curve coming back in, painting too thickly, painting outside the lines etc. But I have never, and I'm proud of this, never painted horribly clashing colours then mounted the abortion on a base that looks like a dog shat it out.

We've all seen them, the bases that look like they are actually covered in shit. Literal Shit. The colours that clash so badly and create so much disharmony that you punch yourself in the face in sheer despair that some could live and yet be so devoid of basic understanding of taste. I mean these fucknuggets can read the same stuff as anyone else on basic colour theory, yet still highlight blue with red.

The paint always looks like it has been squeezed out of a concrete mixer straight onto the mini. The colours are flat(in a way that defies 11 dimensional n-space), with the only highlights being massive plastered streaks of mess in a clashing colour that look like they have been applied with a flaccid dick.

I have to ask these people are you trolling or just very stupid? How can you look at your hideous shite and then decide to inflict it on everyone else? Are you so unaware of your own limits that you think you are on a par with the top 10 on CMON?

Here's a tip, pick up your latest, greatest creation and pull up some images from the manufacturers site, now hold up your creation next to it. Do you see the difference? The way the good painter uses colour to tell a story , not scream a dirge? Do you see his brushwork? no? exactly, fucknugget. You dont see his brush work. AT ALL! Maybe you post on the forums, and everyone says "ooh thats great", "I love the way you made brave choices", and the most telling of all:"I like the bases". No one is going to say "fuck me, that was so bad I punched my pregnant wife her stupid fat life ruining face" because its a nice forum. People who act like dicks dont last long((except when everyone is a screaming cockfanny, like warseer, the warhammer forum, dakkadakka etc etc etc (and TMP is its own category of fuck off and die))ohh these nested parentheses are cool).

I should note, beginners are given a free pass here, with some caveats: I understand that you are proud of your work, pleased with your progress and enthusiastic about the hobby, but trust me, you will look back with such shame when you have learned how to paint that you will likely destroy your own genitals in penance.

The take away is that you should always be your own worst critic. Is the work you have produced the best you could do? Is it something you have learned from? What mistakes did you make? What did you find challenging? What was easy? Brotip: The bits you found hard are the bits you should concentrate on the most ( i find flesh quite hard...also,penis).

If you sit back satisfied that you have done a great job, you haven't.

footnote: there were so many examples to choose from to illustrate this post that analysis paralysis struck.. hence cat.


  1. "People who act like dicks dont last long((except when everyone is a screaming cockfanny, like warseer, the warhammer forum, dakkadakka etc etc etc (and TMP is its own category of fuck off and die))ohh these nested parentheses are cool)."

    Hey, I post on TWF, arsenugget!

    That said, this is a good leson to learn - I don't have any of my earliest miniatures and I've rehabilitated the ones I produced when I got back into the hobby a few years ago. There's been a lot of ugly nonsense in the Von cabinets. These days I'm never sure if anything's any good or not... which is probably a good sign, right?

  2. What kind of teacher can't spell 'lesson'? This kind.

  3. I do not look at painted minis on forum but if I see a bad mini and have a constructive comment I will leave it but first say something like :"Nice work, have you thought of doing X instead of Y."

  4. The real problem is the people who post the crazy positive responses to what is obviously a bad paint job but give no help on how to improve on it.

    Overly harsh comments won't help either though. Like you said bud, I remember my first paint jobs and they were shocking as are pretty much every ones.

  5. Constructive criticism is the only way to reply to a forum thread like that, if you even reply.

    On the flip side though, we are on the internet and the internet is full of product reviews, hints and tips, video tutorials , techniques , cmon etc etc

    So 22 years ago when I first picked up a mini, it was gonna be shit, just was, I was 11!
    But the above things I mentioned means there should be less of an excuse for a terrible painted miniature. A fucked up try at a new technique, fair do's but an outright heap of dogshit, not on!

  6. Well I had tried to post some thoughts your post triggered, but seems to have vanished..... I fucking hate repeating myself.

    Great post mate, very true and as usual entertaining, loving your work

  7. Cheers for teh comments guys, always appreciated. As adam says, its not like it was when we were wee!

    Cheers Sorrowshard, I also hate it when blogger eats my comments, can never be arsed to redo it :)

  8. The power of the internet shows in this thread

    The exact opposite of Barry's original gripe

  9. Cockknokkery! Those trolls are fucking amazing!

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